If I never failed I would be a much different person on a different path.
But more specifically I wouldn’t be here, now and me.
If I never failed I doubt I would write. I would probably be a dancer.
If I never failed as a writer I doubt I would be courageous enough to play with genres and surely would never write in English. I would be satisfied with level of success my country has to offer.
Failure begins so early in life that we can never be sure what else would we be without it.
For the things I remember I can vouch for the ways failure shaped me.
I never really called it failure before. My mantra was, and still is, “I’m not there yet!”
But in time being there became less and less important. Trying and trying again became more important. I guess that’s what they call the journey or enjoying the process. And I guess I was lucky enough to be able to do that, to sit, write and write some more. Being fairly poor while failure lasted, never bothered me much. I lived. And life, as it often does presented enough challenges on the way to keep me busy, even if I failed in finding a job. And failing at finding a job, which would be paid more than an allowance, gave me time for writing and writing some more.
If I didn’t fail at drawing, my drawings always reminded undefined and child-like, I would apply for art school and would never learn to type fast enough to write without pausing. But also: If I dropped drawing all together just because I was bad at it, I wouldn’t have my pictures which make my web sites unique in their simple way.
If I dropped dancing just because I wasn’t flexible enough to make a split or brave enough to make a twist, I wouldn’t be able to dance through emotions like joy or sorrow.
If I stopped singing because I was terrible at it, chasing away crows, I would never be able to sing my anger away, to give lullabies to my babies.
So you see our failures shape our lives, but where we don’t stop, don’t give up, where we persist despite being bad, or at least not best at it, there we shape ourselves. This is a place where we make our lives rich with excitement, hard from strain to do it better, to be more.
I might never be a singer on a stage, dancer under the spotlight, famous painter, or terrific actor, but I’ll be able to sew those things into my life making it merrier for those who surround me. Making them laugh with impressions and stories, giving them opportunity to sing along, to dance away. Because to be able to do something, we don’t have to be great at it, not even good, and we don’t have to become better at it ever. We just need to do the things that bring us joy no matter how ridiculous it might seem from aside. Allow yourself to be bad at things, to really suck and watch your life grow, and then laugh at it. Always laugh at yourself even when you achieve greatness. Because even on the top of your skill there is an angle from which you look ridiculous, and it’s best that way.